I left the CMC,I have to hand in a resignation letter by tmr,I'm so afraid even though I'm supposed to be relieved,idk wads wrong with me,I guess its the fear of being NOT needed. I have that particular fear instilled in me.

It's my birthday. I'm 15. Yet, I feel 12. I've been grounded, I can't go out my Mom banned me. I can only stay within the boundaries of Toa Payoh and whats there here to do? She's getting back at me for last time, she's definitely being revengeful. How grown up! At 12 midnight yesterday I sat by myself and got cake and sang a silent Happy Birthday song to myself, I don't need others to celebrate with me or for me, I can do it myself.

2012

I would say this year has ushered one thing indeed, CHANGE. i like it. I love that I'm embarking on a new journey. Changes always bring up mixed emotions for different people. Fear, sorrow, anger, anguish and of course excitement. It's always difficult to face life with a positive mindset, and the change brought onto us aren't always by choice but I can say, the attitude we bring with us onto our new journeys will affect the way we travel on out journeys. In the end we all want success, only with effort, and a positive thinking only than. The first step is always crucial, better to have a sane mind to take on a decision making that may affect your course in life. So there, my lecture on positive thinking.
  It's never easy, even I'm pretty CooCoo with it, but its something very worth investing effort into.

Meeting Again.

Ma sister is going to find my dad in China, Its all great but I'm slightly unsure about this. if he had wanted to be in contact with us, that'd happen long ago. The day he stopped sending funds, the day I pronounced him dead in my life, in my heart. I do not wish to be entangled once more in this family drama of ours. Messy as ever.

Heads Up.

I realised on Friday, when I had seen Mr fathul, my vp walk pass my work place. Did I want to spend the rest of life being ashamed of my job, my status. If not, What is there I can do prevent all of the feared from coming true. It was a wake up call, an alarming one. One of my first tasks is to get my priorities right, work, school, which is absolute more important. I want to go to the school board to appeal for a transfer of classes. I want to do something instead of art, something I can study and excel in. I don't have any choice, I want to score.

My stomach won't settle down, it won't stop turning in circles and churning away. I feel nervous, but from what I do not know.Anchor, I'm the anchor in this family, the not so anchoring anchor. In between the dreamer sister and the failure-ish brother, I feel I have to stay grounded. I want nothing of this sort, but it's like my job at MAc, forced upon me and I have to take it. Gah... I don't even know what I wanted to say anymore... bu bye